I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
