Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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