so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
