Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
