I smell stomach acid.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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