if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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