You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
