For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
