Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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