for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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