I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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