how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize