Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
