Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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