Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize