im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
