we have pet lesbian snakes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
