Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
