Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
