omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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