who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
