god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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