just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize