and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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