I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
