dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
