I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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