She's JV to your varsity
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
