We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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