First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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