Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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