Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
