Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You pole danced in your parka.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
