all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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