I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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