Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
