sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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