How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
