I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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