This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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