you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
