She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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