these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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