I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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