I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
