bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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