you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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