She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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