addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
