I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
