Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
