The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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