i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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