32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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