you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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