Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
did i walk over a car last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
