My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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