After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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