I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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