And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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