her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
