Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
