so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
