Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
