Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
