There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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