do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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