Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to make out with him forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
