i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
