Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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