If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
