Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
