Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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