How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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